It will be Ok Mommy

Working in Labor and Delivery I very seldom have to deal with death and dying, but since I am working on my bachelors and that is one of the classes I am currently taking I have been forced to look at mortality. In the not so distant past I had to assist a mother who was extremely preterm. The infant passed right after delivery only gasping once the mother had been prepared for what to expect, but I as an experienced nurse, I was not ready for the death of someone so small. I had had a number of old people die while under my care in the ER but none so young. It really took me back at how I was able to get through the day but then I just wanted to go home and hold my baby. I was able to compartmentalize my feeling until I got home and then I held my little girl and cried, she did not understand why Mommy was crying. She just let me hold her and patted me on my back as if to say it will be ok. Thinking back I wonder if I should have handled my emotions that way. Was it wrong of me to bring my work home with me? I think that this is my way of coping with the situation, to hold my baby close and cry because I am so thankful for her and what she brings to my life and in all the ways that she teaches me. “It will be Ok Mommy I will sit with you while you cry.”