Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Fears of another Baby

It is interesting to hear other mother’s fears and to know in an instant that Oh My Gosh, I am not crazy! On one of my previous post My Favorite Thing, Milk Mama left me a comment that I could relate too and did not even realize it until I read her comment. “Anna is old enough to be weaned, I'm sad about the fact that we may choose to add more to our family. Would we have the same connection as my daughter and I had? Questions like that.” As I read her words I understood my feelings of sorrow.
Never for a moment would I or Milk Mama be sad to add another baby to our families. I think we are sad, our first born is growing up the infant mother relationship is changing. I feel our babies are not totally reliant on us in every, they are able to go and do on their own. “No, mamma I do it myself!” I know I miss my little girl crawling up to me and asking in such a sweet voice “Nurse Mamma nurse?” I miss having her all to myself for a little while, just our time. I miss the being able to comfort her in an instant. There is nothing that will melt a mother’s heart faster than nursing your baby looking down and having her look up at you smiling with a mouth full of boob.
As a mother I know my birth experience will be different with the next child. I worry that our bond will be different; will they need me as much and Lena? Will they nurse as long as she did? Will I have enough the time, to spend one on one with the next child? When I had Lena she had all of my attention all of the time, I was not worried about anyone or anything else. The next time I will worry about Lena. How will breast feeding change my relationship with my daughter? Will I have time for Lena when I have another baby? What will Lena feel, will she be angry or will she try to be a little Mamma?
How will another baby change the family dynamic? How will my husband and I related to each other and our children when we have another baby? I feel as though I am now second behind my daughter, which is not a bad thing, but I miss our relationship before we had children. (A totally different Post) Will we feel neglected by the other when another baby comes?
I think these are all legitimate fears that most parents have to deal with. I know that I want another child; I want to repeat the wonderful things about Lena’s birth. I want to skip the hard things, I want to just fall into a routine that works where everyone has what they need. In a perfect world that is the way it would be, but nothing is perfect except the little life you create. As parents we travel over the bumpy roads, we endure the sleepless nights, we clean up the spit up, and we make do, just so we can have a glimpse of heaven watching our children learn, grow, and experience life.
I would like to know about your biggest fear when thinking about another child. How will you cope with that fear? Or how have you coped with fears of additional family members? Please comment here or post on your blog and leave me a comment that you posted. I hope that I am not alone.


THAT GIRL said...

Love your blog... just stumbled on you through another comment section. I've worked on L&D for 3 years (also ER for a short bit)

le35 said...

You really want to know my greatest fear about having another baby? (I know, too late now, right?) Here it is. . . I'm not the best mother to the two kids I have right now. How will I ever be able to take care of child number 3? Am I absolutely crazy?