Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Favorite Thing!

My favorite thing in this whole wide world is nursing, the one perfect thing that I as a mother can do for the perfect little girl entrusted to me. The time spent holding her, examining her tiny fingers, gazing into those big blue eyes, stroking her curly blonde hair will never be again, for this month we stopped.I remember crying for days when she was just new because I could not get her to latch on, I felt that I had failed as a mother; I had failed her, my little girl. After what seemed hours of frustration, trying to nurse, my mom would come take her and feed her. I would pump and cry knowing that in 3 hours we would try again.Not until my little girl was a month old did we really click, at that time I was relaxed taking care of her, I was confident in my abilities as a mother. Sitting on the couch holding my little girl with her wisps of hair in my fingers did it dawn on me that she had not had a bottle in days, the flood of tears started again, we did it!Time went on I had to return to work. My little girl was not happy with a bottle for formula from dad; it was another adjustment that she soon made with only a few sleepless nights. Nap time was ours, my little girl and mine to lay side by side so close we were almost one knowing that we were there for as long as she wanted, nothing else was important but her. She would look up at me with her mouth full attempting to smile.How comforting to my little girl when we were away from home to know that her safe place was right there, mom was right there. She would venture so far and then back to me for soft reassurance that everything was ok. She would pat at my chest when she wanted to nurse, looking into my eyes melting my heart, asking with all her trusting abilities to nurse.Starting to talk was wonderful; the third or fourth word she said was nurse. When she would ask to nurse it was as if she were saying “I love you mommy, can we cuddle and nurse, please?” it was always so sweet.Eating new foods, such an exciting time for her, new textures, flavors, and temperatures, learning that this would soon be her only source of nutrition; nursing became less of a necessity and more of a comfort. An injury was always made better by nursing; it stopped the crying almost instantly. Bed time was easier when she was able to nurse to sleep.As she grew older and bigger I realized that this bond only we shared would shortly come to an end, for she would not need me in that way, but I still wanted my baby girl to come to me and only me, curl up so close to me that we were again almost one, look up in to my eyes and say “Nurse? Mamma Nurse?” giving me her smile that only I got.Now at two years old I have finished that part of being her mother more confident for the next. Yet still morning, this very short period of time I have had with my daughter to bond to be her world, these short precious moments we shared will always be my treasure the best part of sleepless nights. Nursing is the best thing that only a Mother and her infant can share. 2/14/2008

1 comment:

Milk Mama said...

OH my gosh, that was heart-warming and sweet! I love to read other mothers' breastfeeding story. It brings to mind sweet memories. Anna now signs "milk" and says, "Peeze? or "Booby?" hehehe... It's too darling.

I'm so glad that it clicked with you and your daughter. :D I'll be returning to work soon and although Anna is old enough to be weaned, I'm sad about the fact that we may choose to add more to our family. Would we have the same connection as my daughter and I had? Questions like that. I'm so glad to hear that your husband and you were both able to connect with your daughter through breastfeeding and bottle feeding. I think that makes me feel more relaxed about the whole subject. Thank you for writing down your story!!!