Screaming in the utility room!

So my husband and I are talking about another baby. I am all for it I think except I don’t know if I want to go through all of the disappointment, the first time is was three years of trying and then months of fertility and puking the whole time, until I had my little girl. You know when I was trying to get pregnant the first time it seemed like every one was having a baby but me. I went to several baby showers in the last year before I got pregnant. The last couple I almost did not make it through without crying. I am not sure that I can do it again, getting my hopes up just to start in the next couple of days. I am thinking that it is only going to be worse this time because I am now working in labor and delivery. I see a lot of great moms but when I have a mother who does not want to take care of their baby I just want to rip her head off now (not pregnant) so how am I going to be with all the hormones racing through my body?? I guess I will just have to breathe in and out, in and out, in and out, and then scream at the top of my lungs in the Utility room, and pray that no one hears me.